The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
