After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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