dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
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Also, beer. Big fan.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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