this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
