just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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