You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize