just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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