I look better un-naked...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
