i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
