Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
