You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
