I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?