Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.