The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.