if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
