If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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