she told me i tasted like america
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
