So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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