forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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