New low: just hacked my moms facebook
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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