The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
