I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
