she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
