life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
