Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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