i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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