Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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