Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize