I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
