I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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