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He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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