I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
