I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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