I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
