if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i will never coherently bang her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
