Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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