He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
