i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
