found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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