Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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