So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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