I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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