GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
