so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
