So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
