I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
