so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
