True but thats because hes a fetus.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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