i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i already hear my dad disowning me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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