24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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