so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog