you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.