the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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