i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im part way to drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
