it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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