My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
