I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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