Well apparently he's into motor boating.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
