If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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