I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
