I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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