What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
