Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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