take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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