hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
