So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
