dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think i have two assholes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
