Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
