had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
