Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
